


kiss me (like you wanna be loved)

by Alice_Prongs



Series: Jilytober 2018 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Day 1 - First Kiss, F/M, Kissing, and is an idiot, i'm late but i'm still posting this, it's jilytober and i'm so happyyy, james pines over lily, jilytober, pure fluff, the other marauders show up but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:55:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Prongs/pseuds/Alice_Prongs
Summary: James doesn't like to think about their first kiss. So, their first kiss isn't the one that counts. The kiss that counts is the second one.orWhere James used to be an idiot, but now he's better and James and Lily have two first kisses.





	kiss me (like you wanna be loved)

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy guys, so, this is my first contribution to JILYTOBER because it's finally here!! I'm late, but these first three days have been crazy sooo
> 
> This is an answer to the day 1 prompt for jilytober on twitter (first kiss/get together). Hope you guys like it!

James doesn't like to think about their first kiss.

It's fourth year and he's a cocky, arrogant 14-year-old who doesn't know best. Sirius comes up with the idea for a muggle game of Spin the Bottle between their classmates one evening at the end of the year, because he's bored and why not. At the time, James thinks it’s the best idea he's ever heard and wonders how many girls he'd get to kiss.

Until somehow Lily Evans gets roped into playing with them.

He sees her arguing with Marlene and Alice about it, shaking her head vehemently to say she doesn't want to play, but in the end she surrenders. He figures it probably has something to do with the fact that Frank Longbottom from Fifth Year is also playing and Alice has been eyeing him all year and probably wants moral support from her friends. Or maybe it's because Benjy Fenwick has joined their little group and he's been not so secretly fancying Lily for the past few months and there's a chance that she likes him back.

Not that James is bothered by this, because he isn’t, no matter what Remus says. It doesn't matter that he likes to look at her when she's focused on studying and the tip of her tongue appears between her lips, or that he's spent the past few weeks trying to figure out how exactly to define the shade of green of her eyes, or that he's suddenly figured out that freckles are a very attractive feature on someone's face. None of it means anything.

She sits across from him, though, and James tries to appear nonchalant and confident, but he can feel his hands sweating and his glasses slipping down his nose and had Lily Evans always had such red hair?

Sirius looks at him with a sly grin and James has the brief realization that he might have been set up, but then someone is spinning the bottle and the game has started. Around him, everyone spins the bottle in the middle of them and starts kissing. Marlene Mckinnon and Edgar Bones kiss each other full-on the lips with fervor, Sirius spins and it lands on Remus so they both blush profusely as they give a little peck to the sound of laughter and Alice gets her kiss from Frank Longbottom and it's the sweetest press of lips he's ever witnessed at fourteen.

And then it's Lily Evans's turn. She reaches out for the bottle and she's frowning and uncomfortable as Fenwick stares at her with hopeful eyes and James wonders that maybe she doesn't want to kiss the other boy. With a heavy sigh and a look of regret, she spins the bottle.

He watches as it spins and spins and spins until it slows down as it's nearing Fenwick next to him and Lily starts looking desperate, but the bottle passes right by the other boy and doesn't stop until it reaches James.

Catcalls start around them and his friends are making a racket, but James can only see her, frowning from the bottle to him and back. She doesn't look completely disgusted, as he expected, but she doesn't look completely happy as well.

On the other side of him, Sirius elbows him and James is reminded that he's supposed to be _cool_ and _suave_ and so he sends Lily Evans a mischievous grin. He waggles his eyebrows. She purses her lips. In the back of his mind, he registers that she does look a bit disgusted now, but then she shuffles over, across the middle of the circle and he does the same.

His hands are sweating again, and he doesn't know what he should do with them as they kneel before each other. Lily decides for him as she leans over and presses her lips to his. It's brief, and it doesn’t feel like fireworks, but he _does_ feel warmth filling his chest.

When she pulls back seconds later, he's not exactly ready for it, but his friends are all looking at them and he knows what's expected of him. He sees her flushed cheeks and her slightly redder lips and the only reaction he has is to wink at her like an idiot with another mischievous grin.

"You're welcome, Evans," he hears the words coming out of his mouth and immediately knows he's done a stupid thing as Lily huffs, getting angry, and stands up.

"You're an idiot, Potter," she growls, before turning her back on them and leaving. Alice gets up immediately and goes after her, while Marlene takes the time to give him a slap upside the head with a muttered _'moron'_.

His friends start laughing, though, and he joins in the shoving and _'how was it'_ s and all the other idiotic boy things. He doesn't let himself think about how he’d been able to screw up everything so quickly and so much after his first kiss with Lily Evans. How it’ll probably be the only one.

 

So, their first kiss isn't the one that counts.

The kiss that counts is the second one, which happens years later, when they're in their final year and he's not a complete toerag anymore. It's after they've been working together as Heads for a few months, after they can call each other friends, after he’s made Lily laugh and smile, and not just yell at him for being an idiot. It's after he's fallen in love with her for _real_ , not only because of how her hair shines under the sun, but also because of how he knows her now, and knows she's the most amazing, caring person he's ever met.

They're in their office during the Holidays season, going through another endless night filling out reports for McGonagall, when they decide it's time to go to bed. They get up from their desks, shuffling through the papers scattered over every surface available to gather their things. They leave together, and Lily is telling him about some Second Year she gave detention to and he's staring at her a little too enthralled by her and her story because she's just so beautiful when she's excited and he doesn't even notice _it_ until she stops in her tracks. He stops too, and looks at her, confused.

She's smiling at him, sheepishly. “Guess this is the only way we do it, right?” she says, and he's about to ask her what she means by that when she looks up and he follows her eyes and sees it.

There's a branch of mistletoe growing right on top of them.

He looks back at her and the tops of her cheeks are red and she's biting her lower lip and he's thrown back to three years earlier when they had also kissed because of outside forces and he had _screwed up royally_. He sees in her eyes that she wants to kiss him, though, and Merlin he wants it too, more than anything, but he wants to do it right this time. If it's his last chance with her, he's going to take it.

So he grabs her hand and pulls her from under the mistletoe. She frowns, hurt crossing her features as she follows him, but he doesn't give her time to think that he's rejecting her. He pulls her again, this time closer to his body, his other hand encircling her waist and Lily’s eyes widen.

“I want you to know that I'm doing this because I want to, not because some mistletoe or spin the bottle game told me to,” he tells her. She flushes and, after seeing that she isn't going to reject him, he leans in.

She's smiling as he kisses her, and this time it's _real_. This time it’s what first kisses are meant to be. There still aren't fireworks, but a warmth that takes over his chest and is full of happiness and relief and the realization that, _bloody hell_ , he's really in love with her. This time, he thinks as her hand reaches into his hair and she lets out a tiny sound against his lips, he might have an actual chance with her and he'll do whatever it takes to not screw everything up.

This kiss is the one he likes thinking about. This kiss is the one that counts. This kiss is the one that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Come cry with me over jilytober over on [tumblr](https://notdeadjily.tumblr.com/)!!!


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